In honor of the pop-up-dropping, the hideous pitching, the errant throwing, and the lack of timely hitting that characterized the Yankees-Anaheim series this weekend, I herewith bring to you a list of things I would have rather done than watching them attempt to play like major leaguers:
1. Get a root canal.
2. Opened the door for some Jehovah’s Witnesses
3. Read Vanity Fair’s article about Sarah Palin (as if we haven’t heard enough about her to last a lifetime.)
4. Gambled at Foxwoods (probably would have had better luck than any of the Yankees starters)
5. Watched a bunch of Michael Bay movies
6. Spun around in circles on my front lawn until I got dizzy and passed out
7. Tried on either jeans or bathing suits (when this is preferable to watching Jeter, Swisher, and Joba we have a real problem.)
8. Spent the afternoon riding It’s a Small World at Disney over and over again
9. Cat sit for someone I hardly know. (Now the sarcasm is really coming out.)
10. Sleeping. A nice, deep, peaceful unaware-of-what’s-happening sleep.
Let’s not ever do that again, okay?