Yanks vs. Tampa Bay: Not-So-Deep Thoughts in Real Time

2nd Inning: Dear Ozzie Guillen, Thanks for being such an asshat and helping to usher in the Nick Swisher era in New York. Love (only in this instance), Kristin

Swish_Home run.jpg4th Inning: Oh, A-Rod. E-5. Too much Kate Hudson on the brain. Focus, grasshopper.

Wild pitch, Andy Pettitte. I can’t blame that on Kate Hudson. Here comes the out-of-control circus inning.

RBI single by Tampa Bay’s hobbling catcher; David Cone is calling it “quick damage.” How about a quick rebound for Andy and the guys in the field?

Nope. Tie game. Aww, hamburgers.
South-Park-Butters.gifMichael Kay, ladies and gentlemen, lecturing BJ Upton about having dip or chew in his mouth in the outfield. My personal thought is that it’s a disgusting habit, but there’s no reason to pick on one guy – especially when several of the Yankees have that permanent bottom-lip or cheek bump during games.

5th inning: Andy Pettitte looks confused as to what is happening here. You need some outs, big guy.

Ask and you shall receive. Double play. Nice play by Jeter. I would prefer it if Michael Kay didn’t call it a “dance step,” though. Might as well call him “twinkle toes.”

Ha! Kay just brought the hammer down on Swish for the dip thing. Cone was awesome, saying, “Wow, you’re the tobacco police!”  I don’t know about telling grown men they can’t do something that’s perfectly legal. If MLB ever tried to outlaw it, I picture Josh Beckett saying something like, “You can pry my dip from my cold, dead hand.”

6th inning: Quick work by Pettitte. This is what makes pitching interesting for me. What made the light-hitting Gabe Kapler so dangerous at that moment, but you can strike out Evan Longoria and Carlos Pena twice each?

Johnny Damon! Nice work, there, Caveman. Gotta take those hanging curveballs and deposit them in the seats where they belong.

Johnny_highfive.jpg7th inning: Please welcome to the stage The Phil Hughes Bullpen Experience. I’m one of those people who thinks it doesn’t help him at all to get sent back down to Scranton. He’s a pro pitcher right now…as evidenced by that masterful inning right there.

Melky, see, what you’re supposed to do there is prolong the inning so my husband can get more and more annoyed at close-ups of Swisher on base. You just had to cut my amusement short, didn’t you?

8th inning:  My question is why? Why take Phil Hughes out for Phil Coke? Why is Michael Kay so corny?  Why is my husband so threatened by men in pinstripes? Why is Phil Coke walking people on four pitches? 

Derek Jeter jacks a homerun. My husband says, “That’s an out in Fenway.”  Man, is that annoying.

9th inning: Mo time. Long tirade from hubby on Mo’s age. Mo, apparently, is 75 years old. He hides it well. Oh, how I love when they swing at the high fastball. Game over.

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2 comments

  1. Jane Heller

    This post cracked me up! I was thinking about the chewing tobacco thing too, and wondered if we needed THAT many close-ups of Upton’s cheek. And yes, why not let Hughes keep going. But my favorite line here was “focus, grasshopper.” LOL. So how are you and hubby going to get through the Boston series? Bombs away!

    http://janeheller.mlblogs.com

  2. Yankees Reality Check

    You know, I don’t know how this series will go between me and the hubby. At this point in the season he’s trying to pretend that he doesn’t care yet. But he’s obviously in denial. I guess it really depends on how many people get beaned and who we can blame it all on. Bombs away is right; duck, Kevin Youkilis, duck!!

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